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From Sadness to Sex Parties: James Barr on healing, comedy and being recognised in a dark room

James Macfarlane James Macfarlane
15 Jul 2025

James Macfarlane speaks to James Barr about trauma, healing and dark rooms.

I actually do want them to laugh at all of it – even the awful stuff

James Barr, how are you?

I'm great! I feel really good, James. It’s such a heavy question. I've been very busy, and that has taken its toll a bit. I did a UK tour and I missed a lot of trains and had to buy new ones, which was really annoying. But the sky is blue right now, which is really nice! I think I really need a weekend of doing absolutely nothing and not thinking about anything.

Your show I’m Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex to My Mum) is back this year. Are you excited?

Absolutely! It was great last year, and I had some amazing reviews, so I feel lucky for those. I know in myself now, as a person who’s been through this experience, that I’m a lot further along with my healing. It’s a funnier show now, and it deserves the opportunity to be seen. So I had to bring it back! There’s been so much interest from audiences and critics alike to see the show evolve, so I think it deserves the chance.

What’s surprised you most about the evolution of the show? Are there moments that are easier to tell now?

It’s definitely easier. Last year in Edinburgh, I had days where I was really happy and others where I was really sad. The Edinburgh run was filled with sadness and anger and by the end of the Fringe, the show completely unravelled in a way I didn't expect. So after Edinburgh, I took a break from the show to heal. But I realised that, actually, it’s not finished – and like abuse, healing and grief, it’s never going to be finished. It stays with you forever. I think taking the show to Australia really helped, because I thought: if this experience had never happened to me, I wouldn’t be across the world sleeping with these gorgeous Home and Away men! Australia is such an amazing country and a great place for comedy, and it really hit another level when I was performing there.

Do you have anywhere to add to the list of places where you’ve found healing?

Have I been to other sex parties, is that what you’re asking? I've been to a lot of dark rooms in all sorts of different countries across the world. The only problem is that now I start getting recognised in dark rooms! I was in a dark room in London and I was getting with a Spanish guy. Then, a random man from across the room shouted: “He's famous! He's famous!” So everyone in the dark room turned around and looked at me. The Spanish guy said: “Why is he screaming?” And the guy literally shouted: “He's on Piers Morgan!” So I was recognised for my overly woke alter ego.

Have you had a reaction to your material that’s taken the show to a really unexpected place?

Yeah, there was a woman who was laughing hysterically at some really violent moments. There are just these moments in the audience where people lose their minds and are laughing when they shouldn't be and then, because they're laughing, everyone else starts laughing. Before I know it, I’ve got the entire room laughing at something really horrifying. And that's absolutely what I wanted to create. I wanted to create a panic. I actually do want them to laugh at all of it – even the awful stuff.

How has your relationship changed with the really powerful silences in your show?

I naturally started putting more jokes into those silences. I made the decision that I don’t want to be sad, I want to be happy. I didn’t want to be mean to myself because I realised that I was more healed than I was last year. I didn’t want to stand there and be sad about it, so I didn’t want the audience to be sad either.

You’re also a radio host as well as a comedian. How has your radio persona changed through this year of healing?

I'm less afraid now than I was. Initially, being broken and sad and then being on the radio and having to be really happy – I think it was actually what I needed. It was really helpful to me to just switch into a different mode and forget about what was happening in my personal life. It was essential to my survival. But now, I wouldn’t say my persona has changed on the radio, but I’m definitely less afraid than I was. I’m less afraid to go on the radio and admit that my ex was abusive. I feel more confident and safer in myself to be able to talk about things and be more open. So that’s good.

What are you like offstage?

I chose chaos for a while, and that pushed me forwards as a human. I’ve done a lot of work to forgive myself and some of my past choices, which is really nice. I think the main change in me offstage is that I’m now more able to say, actually, I don’t want to do that, and I feel confident saying it.

Thanks for speaking to me! Do you have any shows you’re looking forward to seeing?

I’m looking forward to seeing David Ian’s Am I Mean? He’s such an incredible crowd-work comic. I’m excited to see Joe Sutherland’s new show and Elf Lyon’s new show, which I haven’t seen yet. There are so many things I’m looking forward to seeing!

James Macfarlane

James Macfarlane

Broadway Baby's Comedy Editor and Scotland Editor. In a previous life James did the same thing for ScotsGay. But we poached him.

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