An in-depth dissection of the 2016 episode of British reality TV show Come Dine With Me in which a contestant, incensed at having lost, berated his fellow diners in a virulently impolite rant that later became a viral meme. To avoid copyright infringement, we will recreate the episode using sock puppets, analyse key turning points and tensions between contestants, and ultimately decide by democratic vote who really has the grace and decorum of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.