To get to the point, this play is woefully average.To have and to hold follows Lucy, down-trodden but pretty, over the course of her best friend’s wedding reception. It’s a bizarre occasion involving the kindling of a relationship, the haphazard handling of a corpse, an uneventful suicide attempt, writhe-inducing revelations, and a goat that crashes a Lotus into a moat - this last event being a misguided attempt at surrealist comedy.The play begins as an internal monologue that introduces us to the private thoughts of Lucy and to a brilliant opening gambit: ‘There are only two things that can bring this dinner party to complete silence. One is the dinging of a crystal wine glass. The other is a gunshot. And I can't decide which to use.’ It’s a promising start - a play, perhaps, about the irreverent thoughts of a women caught between absurd extremities. Sadly this promise is short-lived.Not often does one yearn for the transitional segments of a play, the repositioning of props and reshuffling of cast members. Yet, the flash of lights, a blast of heavy pop music and poorly choreographed movements from the actors proffered between scenes offer a rhythm and a stimulus that the play is elsewhere lacking: a welcome respite from inane dialogue. It is remarkable for a play to possess this self-defeating quality.The script is shot-through, no, machine-gunned-through with puns, word-plays and quips. Some are witty enough to garner a laugh, others gaudy or daft enough to produce a groan, but most are so insultingly crass as to induce contempt. Further, these one-liners are dropped so frequently that the plot is often obscured. There are glimmers of potential, but these are fleeting.Lucy’s ex-lover Sam, played by Harry Michel, could have been developed into something of a modern-day Baldrick – of Blackadder fame – using the humorous comments that arise from his idiocy. Unfortunately, in a play where an entire cast are scripted to make an unholy amount of fatuous remarks, Sam’s character quickly grows trite and tedious.Jacob Shephard offers the most mature and most considered performance of the play in his role as Lucy’s father. He shows a good understanding of his character’s age and societal position, and though he too is forced to persist in making a number of incorrigibly bad jokes he delivers them in a convincing ‘dad humour’ manner.To Have and to Hold does carry potential – albeit in a cast hampered by the script – and it does entertain many of the audience members, but it suffers from too many missed opportunities and a dank understanding of humour. Extending Lucy’s internal monologue and providing a wry social commentary could have brought another dimension to the play, whilst removing the unnecessarily crude references could have made it more appropriate to a broader audience.
