The Falcon's Malteser by Anthony Horowitz

"Maltese Falcon; no - Falcon’s Maltese," one parent suggests as the title to the show outside the theatre doors. Anthony Horowitz's corker takes advantage of befuddlement such as this, masquerading corruption, abduction, death and a fat network of baddies as fanciful farce, pulling it off with the dynamism of the best Horrible Histories episodes.

This delightful old school romp of a detective story – simply produced and convincingly told – is essential theatre.

Brothers Nick – eager, bright-eyed – and Tim – the endearing dunce – piece together a ramshackle PI operation after their parents jet off (a departure shown in a riotous guitar and didgeridoo number). This production is economical in the best way possible: Heather Westwell gives a masterclass in personality switching, while makeshift shop signage allows for wild jumps of locus. A ludicrous chair car chase scene is a definite highlight: her facial expressions alone are enough to tell the ridiculous story.

One minute Westwell is a sergeant on the beat with a funky bass line. Then she whimsically dashes between revolving doors as a blonde-wigged Lauren Bacardi who wouldn’t look out of place in Scooby Doo. The whole cast juggles a range of accents with relative success – Mexican sounds like Italian, for example, but this almost adds to the innocent charm. Slapstick is gentle but effective and portrayals of violence are offset by ludicrous sound effects (boinks for murders) or appalling puns (quasi-swears), about as much as you can get away with for an audience from eight up. Real teaching moments that involve barcodes and LEDs are perhaps too explicitly educational. They’re enjoyable nonetheless.

Is this play ultimately about the greed of the bad guys and the naive hope of the young (especially Nick, played with childish awe) to conquer it? I'm not sure, but I do know that, at a time when computer games Professor Layton and Phoenix Wright rule the roost, this delightful old school romp of a detective story – simply produced and convincingly told – is essential theatre. Bacardi’s silly description of a pen pal love affair is indicative of a much-needed return to the traditional executed exquisitely here by New Old Friends.

Reviews by Oliver Newson

Greenside @ Royal Terrace

Perceptual Landscape

Assembly George Square Studios

Jamie MacDonald: Oblivious

Assembly George Square Theatre


Scottish National Portrait Gallery

Lee Miller and Picasso

C venues - C


Pleasance Courtyard

The Falcon's Malteser by Anthony Horowitz




The Blurb

New Old Friends with Theatre Royal Bath's Egg, Newbury Corn Exchange, Natural Theatre Company and Walker Books present an adaptation of The Falcon's Malteser by Anthony Horowitz. The Diamond Brothers Detective agency (the inept Tim and his quick witted younger brother Nick) have to discover what's so important about a box of Maltesers, or else. A hilarious family adventure featuring slapstick, songs and four cast members playing 20 characters. The show toured nationally last year to sell-out houses and great reviews. 'An absolute treat for old and young alike don't miss it.' **** (