Cross Fit

Picture Jesus in jelly shoes, sweat bands and a glittery loin cloth performing a fitness class and you have Cross Fit, the bonkers ‘service’ hosted by Jesus L’Oreal Christ and Mary Magdalene.

Shout halle-Berry-lujah and give in to this new fitness fad!

This is a dance-comedy show that takes us through the life of Jesus as told by the man himself as he uses events in his life to influence his latest fitness class including sessions of Pontius ‘Pilates’ and Bleep ‘Testaments’ (instead of tests). Each number is performed to a disco soundtrack and the audience are included more than once in the work out – so get ready to jump up and dance along.

Jesus L’Oreal Christ is a sassy fitness instructor with a formidable ego that fuels much of the comedy. His humour is a constant stream of biblical puns with a sprinkling of witty political commentary and a lot of sexual innuendo. The biblical references are a little obscure at times and miss the mark but the energy on stage and speed at which the performance is done means that the comedy doesn’t falter for too long.

While not a singer, Jesus works it with snappy dance moves that certainly incorporate fitness moves one would find in both a zumba or Jane Fonda class. The fact that Jesus can perform the dances with such high energy while still projecting and speaking the words with very little hesitation or struggle. A particular stand out moment is the rendition of ‘The Lord’s iPrayer’ done in the style of an award acceptance speech which is hilarious, from the costume change to the speech itself.

Despite a few jokes flopping, this is a fitness class absolutely everyone should attend. The wit is relevant and intelligent with a frontman whose stage presence is mesmerising. Shout halle-Berry-lujah and give in to this new fitness fad!

Reviews by Caitlin Powell

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The Blurb

In a world that has gone toupee-sy turvy, Jesus L’Oreal Christ returns once again from the call centre in the sky with more untold stories, legwarmers and wind machines to promote his new fitness and wellbeing empire. Join the dyslexic disco-dancing King of the Shoes as he inspires you to achieve your inner beauty by the Rivers of Babyliss or destroy your fatted calves doing the Pontius Pilates workout. With another high-octane hour of song, dance and alternative facts, your saviour is on hand to help you cast the first stone. He’s not a prophet – he’s Pro-Fit!