ArtW*nk!

If the thought of sitting in a dark room, watching the very best (and the very worst) of vintage porn with a bunch of strangers disturbs you in any way, you must see this show. There is a first time for everything and it is almost guaranteed that, after witnessing some of the footage Artw*nk has to offer, you’ll never be the same again.

The dazzling Ophelia Bitz is far more than just a hostess, she’s a temptress, hot enough to make any gay man straight or any straight woman gay. Having said that, she’s also incredibly inviting, creating a warm presence onstage, making everyone feel comfortable and more relaxed about the rather bizarre situation they find themselves in. She is sharing with us her own personal porn collection which she has researched and gathered over the past 18 months in preparation for the show and, despite how odd that sounds, she makes it feel strangely normal.

From singing about the many different types of pornography to showing some of her favourite vintage porn movies and adding some delightful commentary throughout, Bitz has an incredibly charming yet devilish nature. She proceeds to educate the audience on good oral sex etiquette before inviting two unsuspecting victims onstage to showcase their very best oral skills on some carefully sculpted cucumber pieces, much to the audience’s amusement.

Bitz ends by explaining how, through her 18 month research project, she has fallen in love with the art of vintage porn, the people, the style, everything. She puts forth her well conceived argument that it is much better than the porn of today which is mostly very sad and depressing, 'it doesn’t make me feel good, it only gets me there.' It is often debated in the philosophy of aesthetics whether pornography can be considered as art or not and with Artw*nk, it seems Bitz wins her case.

Since you’re here…

… we have a small favour to ask. We don't want your money to support a hack's bar bill at Abattoir, but if you have a pound or two spare, we really encourage you to support a good cause. If this review has either helped you discover a gem or avoid a turkey, consider doing some good that will really make a difference.

You can donate to the charity of your choice, but if you're looking for inspiration, there are three charities we really like.

Mama Biashara
Kate Copstick’s charity, Mama Biashara, works with the poorest and most marginalised people in Kenya. They give grants to set up small, sustainable businesses that bring financial independence and security. That five quid you spend on a large glass of House White? They can save someone’s life with that. And the money for a pair of Air Jordans? Will take four women and their fifteen children away from a man who is raping them and into a new life with a moneymaking business for Mum and happiness for the kids.
Donate to Mama Biashara now

Theatre MAD
The Make A Difference Trust fights HIV & AIDS one stage at a time. Their UK and International grant-making strategy is based on five criteria that raise awareness, educate, and provide care and support for the most vulnerable in society. A host of fundraising events, including Bucket Collections, Late Night Cabarets, West End Eurovision, West End Bares and A West End Christmas continue to raise funds for projects both in the UK and Sub-Saharan Africa.
Donate to Theatre MAD now

Acting For Others
Acting for Others provides financial and emotional support to all theatre workers in times of need through the 14 member charities. During the COVID-19 crisis Acting for Others have raised over £1.7m to support theatre workers affected by the pandemic.
Donate to Acting For Others now

The Blurb

Vintage porn, modern toss. Cabaret filth-monger Ophelia Bitz combines irreverent comedy, silver-screen smut and anachronistic pop for a gigglesome night you'll never forget! ‘Immoral genius’ (EroticReviewMagazine.com). ‘Don't miss her show!’ (TimeOut). Winner - Erotic Awards, Old Vic New Voices.

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