Our Editor-in-Chief, Richard Beck, explores the background to Kelly McLaughlan's latest show.
This show isn’t just a personal catharsis; it’s for anyone who wants to release the shame and guilt surrounding religion.
Kelly, show is called Catholic Guilt, which clearly indicates what it explores, and is something you grew up with, so what does the term mean to you and how was it instilled in you?
Absolutely, I would say I was indoctrinated for sure! Growing up, you just go along with what you’re told, without the knowledge or understanding of what it means to choose your religion or not choose one at all. My parents sent me to a Catholic school from preschool until twelfth grade, and I took all of it very seriously, never questioning them.
I had pretty bad anxiety as a child, so all the rules and consequences of sin really stressed me out and made me feel guilty all the time. When all you know is Catholicism and Catholic school, you have nothing to compare it to, so you don’t know what you’re missing. I became a stereotypical judgmental Catholic, believing I was above all other religions. The guilt also trained me to be a perfectionist to an extent, causing me to be really hard on myself. I constantly have to be mindful of that, and I'm still actively undoing these habits in my adult life. Not to mention, being a female Catholic added another layer of complexity, especially in a patriarchal society.
I remember being curious about the public schools in my area, but my curiosity was never taken seriously because everyone knew that those schools were 'bad'. There's so much to unpack about why they were labeled that way, but that’s another conversation. I didn’t really question any of it in a big way until I took a philosophy class in my sophomore year of college. That class changed my life.
I remember feeling more aligned with Eastern philosophy than anything else I had learned up until that point, which was only Catholicism. It sent me on a whole journey of self-discovery and a full-blown identity crisis. That way of thinking and living made much more sense to me, and I started to slowly drift away from Catholicism. However, I still deal with guilt and shame and have to work on it all the time. I really do think that having those rules and consequences hammered into your head for 12+ years really does something to you.
What were the Catholic teachings that gave you the most cause for concern growing up and perhaps still do?
The biggest fear ingrained in me was the idea of going to hell. Picture being a young child in grade school and learning about hell — this terrifying place where you could end up burning for eternity if you did something wrong. The concept was drilled into us that we were always being watched, that God and Jesus knew everything we did and thought. This constant surveillance made for a very paranoid, worried kid.
I was already a sensitive child, and these teachings only exacerbated my anxiety. I took everything so seriously and became obsessive about it. The fear of eternal damnation loomed over every action and thought. I remember staying up at night, praying until I would eventually fall asleep, terrified that missing a prayer or thinking a sinful thought could condemn me. The rituals became a coping mechanism, a way to soothe my constant fear and guilt.
This fear wasn't just a phase — it followed me into adulthood. Sometimes, I still find myself compulsively praying, almost as a reflex. It's startling to realise how deeply those early teachings have embedded themselves in my psyche. Even though I now understand these fears were instilled through a very narrow interpretation of religion, the remnants of that indoctrination still linger.
The idea of hell wasn't just a distant concept; it was a vivid, horrifying reality that shaped my behaviour and thoughts. It trained me to be hyper-vigilant, constantly monitoring myself for any signs of sin or imperfection. I struggled with believing that I was a good person. This level of self-scrutiny and fear of judgment can be incredibly damaging, especially for a child.
Reflecting on this now, I can see how these experiences influenced my path and my art. They gave me a unique perspective on fear, guilt, and the power of belief. In my performances, I try to address these themes, using humour and playfulness to explore and exorcise these deep-seated fears. It's a way of reclaiming my narrative, turning what once caused me so much anxiety into something that can be shared, laughed at, and ultimately, let go.
I understand you incorporate the methodology of indoctrination into your show. How does that work out?
Without spoiling too much, I can tell you there are definitely things woven into the show that mirror a church service and some of the teachings — but with a twist! Imagine the strict rules, familiar rituals, and solemn moments flipped on their heads, turned into something playful and hilarious. It's like taking all the serious stuff we were never allowed to joke about and making it the centre of a big, fun party. The result is incredibly cathartic for both the audience and me, as we laugh and find joy in what used to feel so rigid and untouchable. I don't want to give too much away, so you'll just have to come and see for yourself!
In addition to the comedy you incorporate clowning in your performance. What do you think that brings to the show?
Clowning allows me to directly engage with the audience and be very vulnerable while trying to make a point. They become my scene partners at times and, at other times, they are members of the congregation. These moments really heighten the tension and vulnerability, creating a dynamic and unpredictable atmosphere. The clowning element keeps people on the edge of their seats because we don’t know what is going to happen or how our interaction will go with a different audience member interacting with me in real time while dealing with very sensitive subject matter.
What makes this approach so powerful is the spontaneity and unpredictability of each performance. Each audience member brings their unique reactions and energy, which means no two shows are ever the same. This real-time interaction adds an element of surprise and excitement, as both the audience and I navigate the unknown together. It creates a sense of immediacy and intimacy that is truly unique.
Even though people might be squirming in their seats because it’s so intense and vulnerable, there is an underlying understanding that it’s playful, at the end of the day. The comedic element always cuts the heat, providing relief and making the experience enjoyable despite the discomfort. The laughter that arises from these interactions not only diffuses the tension but also fosters a sense of connection and shared experience among everyone present. It's a delicate balance of pushing boundaries and ensuring everyone feels safe and entertained.
Through clowning, I can address complex and often challenging topics in a way that is accessible and engaging. The humour allows us to explore these themes without becoming overwhelmed, creating a space where we can all reflect, laugh, and perhaps see things from a new perspective. It's a transformative experience, both for the audience and for me!
It’s also described as an immersive show. Does that mean audience members are at risk of being dragged in?
Yep! The audience is an integral part of the show, and my performance simply wouldn't function without their participation. I love playing with the audience, and this interactive element has been a core part of my work long before I even knew what clowning was.
The dynamic between me and the audience creates a unique experience every time. I always ensure that participation is entirely consensual and playful, so there's no need for anyone to worry. No one is ever brought up against their will.
The spontaneous interactions and reactions from the audience keep the energy fresh and exciting. Their involvement adds an element of unpredictability that makes each performance unique. This real-time collaboration allows us to explore different facets of the show together, creating memorable moments that resonate long after the performance is over.
By breaking down the traditional barriers between performer and audience, we can connect on a deeper level and it also gives them a sense of ownership and involvement in the creative process. Someone will always have a good story to tell after my show is over!
On a wider note, I'd like to take advantage of your being from the USA to ask how you feel about the current religious climate there and the way in which many see the constitutional separation of church and state as being eroded. Louisiana, for example, has just legislated for the Ten Commandments to be displayed in every classroom, though inevitably it's being contested. How do you think it might impact students?
I think it’s abhorrent how backwards we are going. When I saw the news about Louisiana, I laughed out loud—not out of amusement, but because it was so absurdly predictable. The measures being taken are completely ridiculous, and unfortunately, I'm not surprised. At the end of the day, it’s all about power and control. People, especially men, are so terrified of losing any amount of control and power that they will do anything to keep it.
Religion is being wielded as a weapon to control people, and it’s the oldest trick in the book. Throughout history, we’ve seen how religious doctrine has been manipulated to justify all sorts of oppression and to maintain the status quo. What’s happening now is no different. People are witnessing significant societal changes and shifts in power dynamics, and they’re clinging to anything that can give them the perception of control and dominance over others.
It's actually very sad and pathetic when you think about it. These desperate attempts to impose regressive policies and ideals are just a manifestation of their fear of losing relevance and authority. Instead of adapting to the progress and embracing the positive changes that come with it, they resort to draconian measures that push society backward.
This clinging to outdated beliefs and power structures only highlights their fragility and insecurity. It’s a refusal to acknowledge that the world is evolving and that equality, justice, and respect for all people are becoming non-negotiable values. Their actions are transparent attempts to halt progress, but ultimately, they’re fighting a losing battle.
The sad reality is that while these regressive policies may succeed temporarily in creating obstacles and hardships, they also fuel resistance and drive people to fight even harder for their rights and freedoms.
Do you think the ability to mock religion or least laugh about it helps can be something of an antidote to this situation?
Absolutely! I can't tell you how much doing this show has helped me. It's been transformative and has allowed me to confront and release so much of the shame and guilt that had been ingrained in me through my religious upbringing. But this show isn’t just a personal catharsis; it’s for anyone who wants to release the shame and guilt surrounding religion. I can’t tell you how many people come up to me after the show to tell me how it has helped them and I can’t tell you how much that has meant to me.
The hypocrisy and unrealistic rules actually make me laugh. For example, the idea that a loving deity would condemn people to eternal suffering for minor infractions or that certain rituals and sacraments are the only path to salvation—these concepts, which were once sources of deep anxiety and fear for me, become totally comical when scrutinised.
By using humour and playfulness, we can highlight the contradictions and absurdities without the weight of fear. It’s a way to reclaim our narratives and see these teachings for what they are — human constructs that have been used to control and dictate behaviour and all of that helps us recognise that these feelings are not inherent or justified but are the result of years of indoctrination and pressure.
This communal experience of questioning and laughing together is super powerful. It creates a sense of solidarity and understanding among each other, reminding us that we are not alone in our doubts and struggles. It’s a chance to find joy and connection in our shared humanity. Hell yeah.
