As the Eurovision final looms, 26 countries are prepping to unleash a riot of spectacle, sequins, and, let’s face it, some truly bizarre musical choices. But beneath the bluster, who’s really in with a shot of taking the crown? Let’s sort through the noise and pinpoint the true contenders - and the likely flops.
I regret to inform you that the UK is about to get brutally humbled yet again
The Obvious Winner: Sweden’s KAJ - Bara Bada Bastu. Sweden is the bookmakers’ favourite, and for good reason. The Finnish three-piece took their country’s qualification process by storm with a ridiculously catchy ode to saunas. It's absurd, it’s infectious, and it’s got the backing of Finland’s president - awkward, given that Finland has its own entry. Despite the novelty factor, this is the kind of kitschy-yet-polished performance that Eurovision voters love. Expect KAJ to steamroll their way to a top finish.
The Closest Rival: Austria’s JJ - Wasted Love. JJ has operatic chops that could break glass and a heartbreak anthem that’s ready-made for the Eurovision stage. The song’s similarity to last year’s winner might work against it - Eurovision voters are fickle about feeling like they’ve seen it all before. Still, JJ’s vocals are undeniable, and the performance could easily clinch a top-three finish.
Dark Horse: France’s Louane – Maman. The bookies have Louane as the third favourite, and it’s not hard to see why. France has been knocking on the Eurovision door for years, and Maman, a haunting ballad dedicated to Louane’s late mother, is as sentimental as it is beautifully delivered. If voters are in the mood for something heart-wrenching, France could surprise.
Underrated Gem: Luxembourg’s Laura Thorn - La Poupée Monte Le Son. Playful, catchy, and criminally overlooked, this bouncy track nods to Luxembourg’s 1965 Eurovision winner while reclaiming the narrative in a feminist twist. If there’s any justice in the world, Laura Thorn will be dancing her way into the top ten - but Eurovision voters are notorious for ignoring anything remotely clever.
Potential Disaster: United Kingdom’s Remember Monday - What The Hell Just Happened? I regret to inform you that the UK is about to get brutally humbled yet again. The song is a washed-out throwback to early-2010s party pop, but the world - and Eurovision - have moved on. Expect this one to crash and burn.
Wildcard: Albania’s Shkodra Elektronike – Zjerm. Previously seen as a frontrunner, Albania’s avant-garde chaos may have lost some steam in the final run-up. But if they can bring the same unpredictable energy they’ve been dishing out in rehearsals, they could still pull off an upset.
Tonight’s final is going to be a wild ride - but with Sweden’s sauna anthem heating up, it’s probably just a question of whether it’s Austria or France that warble into second place.
