The scene a producer's office in that place where men sit waiting to throw money at the moon. Enter composer and lyricist, for it is they. - Hey, we've got a great idea for a new musical, says one. - This one is going to blow your socks off, says the other. - You ready for this, says the first.Producer lights large, fat cigar, pours himself another valium solution. - Go on, he says, hit me with it. - We're going to do a musical about the last days of Ernest Hemingway! - Who? - Ernest Hemingway, you know, the guy who wrote "The Old Man and the Sea". - Never heard of it. - "Death in the Afternoon"? - Bore me like this and you will have. - It was about bullfighting. - Heard of that. Would make a great musical. We could call it Toreador. There's a song in the back of my mind somewhere - - Be serious. This is about the man. This show is about the days before he died. How he tries to protect his legacy against a shark of a film producer who wants - - Hey! Hey! Did you say shark? I just had a great idea. Jaws The Musical.Composer and lyricist look at each other in dismay. Show business is hard. - Forget Jaws The Musical. That isn't us. This is serious stuff. Hemingway is dying, you see, and is anxious to protect his legacy against a shark of a film producer who wants to make the definitive movie of his life. He's also trying to juggle relationships with his wife and his secretary with whom he's having an affair. - Where are the songs? - Well, they come out of the situation. Hemingway protecting his legacy and - - You've said that. Where's the show stopper. Where's the big number? - This isn't that kind of a musical. There are only four in the cast. Most of the numbers are solos. - Solos!Composer and lyricist are treated to sight of producer about to have apoplexy. - Won't a musical with just solos sound a bit - well, monotonous? - There's this great number. Too Close To The Sun. Hemingway sings it, it's like, well, he reflects on how he's courted death all his life. This is pathos. The really intelligent musical-goer will love this. It's different. It's all set in his ranch house and there are lots of skulls of - well, dead animals, and great views. - I'll buy it.Producer signs cheque and the moon buys a pretty frock. A few months later he sits through the opening night. Composer and lyricist are with him. Jay Benedict gives a sympathetic portrayal of the great man in his final days, worrying over his health, his libido, his legacy, and how many ducks he can shoot - not necessarily in that order. Helen Dallimore as his wife is determined to eke out every last second of his breath, denying him alcohol while scheming behind his back to deny him the pleasure of sex with his secretary by getting her out of both their lives. Tammy Joelle struggles brilliantly with an underwritten part as the secretary, and James Graeme as Ernest, the old film-producer buddy, battles with some really bad songs, notably one called Hollywood! Hollywood! which calls for dancing girls but which he has to perform with two martini glasses pretending that they are telephones. The first half has some monotonous songs, though the second act fizzes into life when Ernest takes Hemingway through the story of the never-to-be movie on a relentlessly revolving set. - Well, what do you think? - I never saw a show where I got so fed up with the set so quickly. It revolves, but it looks much the same whichever way you look at it. - Forget the set. What about the musical?Producer puts on straight-talking hat. - You know what I think? I think there are some great themes in that show. How a man, who has courted death all his life, lives out his last days. How he worries about how he is going to be remembered. How he tries to hang on to his youth by flirting with his young secretary. How his wife manages and manipulates the two of them. His love-hate relationship with his old buddy. There's a terrific drama there. - Wow!Composer and lyricist hug each other for this is praise indeed. - Just one observation. Why ruin it with lots of songs? - Theatre audiences prefer musicals. People will go to see a musical who wouldn't go to see a straight play. - That's the most sensible thing you two have said. Congratulations! Well done!Producer brings out box of cigars and passes them round. - Now, about Jaws The Musical...
